Columns

Don't Mope! Note Mopps'!

We may not have a majority on the Supreme Court but we still have Mr. Mopps'. The local kid-centric bookstore on the corner of MLK and Rose has a new roster of inspirational children's books on display. They carry a host of positive titles, including these:

Feminist Baby; We Rise, We Resist; We Raise our Voices; Change Starts with Us; We Are Better Together; Enough Is Enough; Why We March; March Against Fear; Say Something; Rad American Women: A-Z; Stacey Abrams' Extraordinary Words; The Young Activists' Dictionary of Social Justice; Fall Down Seven Times; Stand Up Eight. 

Spread Sheet Statements 

There is a tall, protective fence surrounding the MLK Jr. Middle School's carbon-capturing Miyawaki Forest (one of three in the US) on Rose Street. Recently, the fence sprouted a crop of student-scrawled messages spelled out on colorful cloth banners. Here are some of the messages:
• I would be a mountain.
• I am a leaf, always moving from the wind
• In which we really harness the infinity of the universe
• Flying cars. Flying cars. Time travel. Flying cars. Flying cars. Flying cars. Sentient Space Ship AI. Flying houses. Flying cars :). Flying cars. Flying cars. Flying things. Floating cars. Flying cars. Flying cars. 

Dallas Cowboys' PR Stunt Misfires 

The Dallas Cowboys really fumbled the ball when they agreed to a cross-promotional deal with the Black Rifle Coffee Company. Black Rifle calls itself "a SOF veteran-owned coffee company, serving premium coffee and culture to people who love America." 

The PR problem wasn't the in the brews but in a blind-spot disregard for America's concern over a growing surge in mass-shootings. 

As if forging a commercial alliance with a rifle-boosting coffee-roaster wasn't bad enough, the Cowboys failed to see any problem with names BRCC selected for their caffeinated offerings: AK-47 Espresso, Silencer Smooth, Thin Blue Line, Coffee or Die, and Murdered Out. 

The bags containing BRCC's Freedom Fuel display the image of an assault rifle mounted on an American flag. Packets of AK Espresso feature the image of a skull. Containers of Just Decaf sport the image of Old Glory with a US "killer drone" flying overhead. (And, lest you miss the messaging, the bags are photographed on tabletops covered with an equal scattering of coffee beans and copper-jacketed bullets.) 

Black Rifle also offers a $15 magazine—the kind filled with words, not bullets. The latest edition of Coffee or Die (all 150 pages of it) contains a report on Russia's invasion of Ukraine written by senior editor Nolan Peterson, "who lives in Kyiv" and "dispatches from the 80^th anniversary of Pearl Harbor." 

If the Cowboys are looking for more off-putting publicity, they might want to ask Black Rifle to add some new offerings. How about: Macho Macchiato, Latte Slaughter, De-Cappuccino, Redneck Robusta, Arabica Invasion, Cortez Cortado, and Americano Empire. 

Weird Words 

Have you noticed: the word "forge" can mean (1) making something real from heating metal or (2) making something false with mental cheating. 

Wall Street's Word Tricks 

There's a cheery radio ad that encourages listeners to hand over their nest eggs to an investment firm that "only makes money when our clients make money." The ad ends with a quickly uttered disclaimer: "Investments and securities include the risk of loss."
Question of the day: If you can lose your money by investing in stocks, why is the offering called a "security"? 

Wall Street has its own language. When the Stock Market hits the skids and investors rush to cash out as the value of their investments plummet, we're told to call that frantic reaction an exercise in "profit-taking." Sounds so much better than "I just lost my shirt investing in Twitter!" 

Hot Wheels for Earth Day? 

Just about everyone knows by now that driving gas-powered automobiles fuels global cooking but that didn't stop the Hot Wheels franchise from trying to cash in by creating an "Earth Day" edition of the classic four-wheeled plastic toy that features a green chassis (fashioned to look like a plastic soda bottle, complete with pop-off metal cap In place of a radiator grill). The only connection to Earth Day is the logo on the side that proclaims: "Earth Day: April 22, 2022." The packaging also flashes the news: "Guaranteed FOR LIFE" followed (in much smaller type) by "Limited Lifetime Warranty." 

Editorial Edits 

The Chronicle's January 5, Open Forum submission ("EPA ruling a blow to Constitution") contains a line that reads: "states retain authority to control emissions from on stationary sources." The "from" is fine; the "on" is unnecessary. 

The January 3, Chron's Insight section featured an essay on "How unions are hijacking CEQA law" that included the line: "The fact that so many union CEQA appeals have less to do with environmental concerns than no-bid contracts does not appear to phase many local elected officials." I think the right word should have been "faze," not "phase." 

Another July 3 article with the headline "Law hasn't curtailed illegal sales on streets," contained a statement that: "City staff and nonprofits so far are just educating vendors about upcoming the permit system…." The word "upcoming" doesn't fit here. Did the Chron mean to say "updating"? 

Karmic Strips: Bizarro Gets It Right!  

The Chronicle's July 3 Sunday comics featured a brilliant single-panel, multi-joke drawing by Bizarro cartoon collaborators Dan Piraro and Wayno. 

Bizarro is a well-crafted and artsy cartoon with some signature features, including riffs on inspired puns. Another distinguishing touch: Each panel contains multiple recurring images hidden in plain sight. These "incidentals" include a slice of pie, a fish, a stick of dynamite, a wild-eyed bunny, and an alien eye-ball hovering in a mini-UFO. 

The Sunday panel shows a courtroom filled with two-dozen people—including a judge, three attorneys and a jury. The judge turns to the jury and asks: "How do you find the defendant?" The jury foreman offers an odd reply: "We can't, Your Honor. We give up." The joke is revealed in a banner at the cartoon's bottom, which explains that we are looking at "The Trial of Waldo." (Yes, as in: "Where's Waldo?") 

That could have been enough of a comic pay-off but there's a bonus laugh on tap because Waldo is actually present, hiding in the courtroom. 

Ready to look for Waldo? Click here! 

Fashion Plates 

Some personalized license plates seen around town. 

A black Kia: WHYTRIP (An aging hipster who's given up LSD?) 

A Ford Escape: DLA 2MH (A slow-poke driver? Delay 2 Miles per Hour?) 

A red Honda: PAISA11 (Pa is All?) (Paisan?) 

A sleek Dodge: SPUUKYY. (A decal on a side window offered this related information: "Golden State Muscle Car Club: LA-SPOOK3Y.") 

A Ford Edge from New Mexico—"The Chile Capital of the World": BFDT80 (Before Dinner Time Ate Nothing?) 

A red Tesla: [Heart symbol]LPSTRD. (Love Laps, Streets, Roads?) 

Spotted in passing: SKZ, FOGOGO, and SYNAP Z 

BumperSnickers 

A Subaru with a sticker from PM Press (a progressive, Oakland-based book publisher) also displays a sticker that reads: "At least the war on the environment is going well." 

Reader Supported News 

The hard-working staffers at Reader Supported News recently reposted a New York Times article by Ezra Klein titled "Dobbs Is Not the Only Reason to Question the Legitimacy of the Supreme Court." RNS intended to preview the article by posting the lead sentence, which read: 

"Since the Dobbs decision came down, I’ve heard a lot of liberals lamenting the Republican theft of the Supreme Court. As the story goes, Mitch McConnell stole the majority when he refused to give Merrick Garland so much as a hearing in 2016, holding the vacancy open until Donald Trump took office in 2017." 

But that's not how the opening sentence read when it appeared on the RNS preview page. The snippet follows: 

"Since the Dobbs determination came down, I've heard a batch of liberals lamenting the Republican theft of the Supreme Court. As the communicative goes, Mitch McConnell stole the bulk erstwhile helium refused to springiness Merrick Garland truthful overmuch arsenic a proceeding successful 2016, holding the vacancy unfastened until Donald Trump took bureau successful 2017."  

(Is this what happens when "artificial intelligence" gets stoned?} 

The SCOTUS Dystopian Chorus 

Left-others: Inflation Hits My Cereal Bowl 

Over the past month, the cost of our weekly grocery shopping has nearly doubled. This means cutting back on purchases. And this means starting to run low on meals and munchies around mid-week. And this means trying to fill breakfast bowls and dinner plates with whatever leftovers I can manage to scrape together. I call the result "left-others." 

Last night I had a tasty hot-dog-and-toast sandwich that, for lack of tomato catsup, required a slathering of feta salad dressing. No so bad, actually. 

Heat Strokes May Call for Heat Strikes 

Global warming has already started killing people as extreme heat endangers workers in the US and around the world. 

According to an alert from Public Citizen: "Heat already kills more people than hurricanes, tornadoes, and floods combined. And as climate change brings more heat waves, things will only get worse. 

• Heat is likely responsible for at least 170,000 work-related injuries and between 600 and 2,000 occupational fatalities in the US every year, which would rank it third among all causes of worker injuries and death
• Workers of color are worst impacted, especially farmworkers, who are overwhelmingly immigrants
• A heat-safety standard issued by California reduced injuries by 30%, suggesting that injuries and illnesses could be avoided nationwide with a simple safety rule."

Public Citizen has pressed OSHA to issue heat standards for more than a decade but, at this rate, they fear it could take another "6-8 years before farmworkers, construction workers, gardeners, and warehouse workers will be [protected from] unsafe levels of heat." 

As summer temperatures continue to rise, Public Citizen is petitioning OSHA to issue emergency safety standards to protect workers from heat-related injuries and death. You can sign the Public Citizen petition here.