Columns

The Buzz in the News Biz

Is Sacramento the only capital city whose daily newspaper is named after an insect? I'm speaking, of course, of the Sacramento Bee.

So how did Sacramento bumble into naming its newspaper-of-record after a bug (instead of Press, Journal, Registrar, Herald, or Tribune)? According to the Bee's website: "An editorial on the first day of publication said: 'The name of The Bee has been adopted as being different from that of any other paper in the state and as also being emblematic of the industry which is to prevail in its every department.' So, the promise was a paper as busy as a bee." And it would be fair to expect the editorial mission would also include stinging criticisms delivered with biting sarcasm.

Itching to follow in the Bee's flight-path and redub other news dailies after insects and other bite-sized animals? How about renaming the Napa Register the Napa Gnat, along with the Fresno Fly, the San Jose Mercury-Newts, and the San Francisco Salamander.

Primary Statements 

It's always fun flipping through the primary election guide that includes Candidates' Statements. Run for office and you can get unrivaled free publicity to rip other politicians or engage in hyperventilating anti-vaxxer rants. 

Two of my initial faves are among the shortest. Democrat for Senate Akinyemi Agbede writes: "Rescue America!! America must be Revived from collapsing. Therefore, electing Dr. Akimyemi Agbede, for the United States Senate is the answer." 

And then there's the pithiest statement of all, from Gubernatorial Candidate (No Party Preference) Mariana B. Dawson: "F all politicians." 

Greeking and Salutations 

Planet reader Mike G. sent an email message that ended with a salutation in Spanish and one in Greek Latin. "El pueblo armado jamas sera aplastado!" ("The people, armed, will never be defeated") followed by Nullum Gratuitum Prandium! (No Free Lunch). And, for good measure, he includes his preferred pronouns: "Your Eminence/His Eminence." 

Fist-Amendment Rights 

In the aftermath of another mass-shooting (this one in Brooklyn), Public Citizen issued an appeal warning of the spread of "replacement theory," a "once-fringe myth" spread by "a white supremacist patriarchy" that "has become an engine of racist terror," which has been "aggressively promoted by Fox News" and "leading Republican politicians" including "Tucker Carlson, Donald Trump, and more." 

In response to weaponized acts of "racialized violence," Public Citizen issued a call to "reject hateful discourse and demonstrate instead our commitment to equality and decency, love and solidarity." 

Unfortunately, the plea ends on a jarring note that reveals how confrontation has become such an ingrained part of the American mind-set. Public Citizen's call to action ends with the statement: "Multiracial democracy is an ideal worth fighting for" [emphasis added]. 

Drawing a Blank 

The monthly bill from a well-known healthcare provider arrived in my mailbox. On the back of the invoice was a short statement that read: "This page is intentionally left blank" 

This is an anomaly (one that usually crops up in US government documents) that raises the question: "So, what is the intention?" To waste paper? To waste ink? 

Even more brain-fretting is the fact that the statement invalidates itself—i.e., once the alert is printed, the page is, in fact, no longer blank. 

Basil Metabolism 

The majority of a typical mail deliveries consists of funding solicitations. That's not news. Many of these funding pitches offer a "free gift" (a phrase that is unnecessarily repetitive. These are typically personalized address stickers, car decals, magnetized refrigerator pads, and the occasional writing pad. But there could be a better trend blossoming on the postal horizon. 

Recently, I received a mailing that I initially thought was from UNICEF, the United Nations International Children's Emergency Fund. It turned out to be an envelope from the United Negro College Fund in Boston and it contained a gift that could become increasingly popular—a thin paper packet containing basil seeds. The gift donation form contained an invitation to "help sow seeds of change by helping minority youth get to and through college." 

Flirting with Nuclear Annihilation 

The Great Chessgame to decide whether Washington will continue to claim its right to rule the planet as "the one exceptional, indispensible country," continues to press down on Russia and China. Meanwhile, the Pentagon continues to provoke China over Taiwan at the same time the US rejection of negotiations to prevent a Russian invasion of Ukraine has prompted Putin (several times) to threaten a nuclear response. 

Small comfort that Putin is reportedly suffering from various maladies, including cancer. Fact is, when it comes to flipping a nuclear switch, a dying man has little to lose. As Putin recently remarked when asked if he would risk destroying the planet by launching a nuclear attack: “Our submarines are capable of launching over 500 nuclear warheads, which guarantees the destruction of the US and all NATO countries,” Putin said. “Why do we need a world if Russia is not in it?” 

More bad news: Putin is not the only world leader capable of blowing up our beleaguered home planet. The following clip is from the 1995 film, Crimson Tide. 

A Boffo Case of Schiffting Attention  

California's crusading Congressmember Adam Schiff (D-CA) just mailed a nifty election-fundraising packet containing a three-page letter and two photos of his Republican challenger—one, standing next to Trump's "Dirty Trickster" Roger Stone and a second posing with Michael Flynn, Trump's disgraced National Security Adviser and a proud Q-Anon promoter. 

Schiff's letter quotes Flynn's endorsement, which describes the GOP's pro-Trump female challenger as "a true America First candidate, and she's running against that odious piece of crap, Adam Schiff." (Flynn's track record of putting America First is blemished by the fact that he advised Trump to seize the presidency by suspending the Constitution, muzzling the press, declaring martial law, and conducting a new election under military control.) 

The best part of the mailer? The fact that the GOP challenger's name was not mentioned once. It took an online search to identify Schiff's would-be replacement as Ronda Baldwin Kennedy, a mother of six (including triplets), a descendant of slaves, and a civil rights lawyer who describes herself as "America First, pro-2 Amendment, and I'm running for Congress to sue the crap out of the Democrats." That would be a novel form of Congressional activism: litigating instead of legislating. 

Air Commander Bone-Spurs Misfires 

No one would expect Draft-Dodging Donald to be a military expert, but revelations in Former Defense Secretary Mark Esper's new tell-all memoir have caused jaws to drop from sea-to-shining sea. At one point, Trump began venting about Mexico's failure to eradicate the cross-border drug trade (driven, one must note, by the demand of customers inside the US) and suggested to Esper "we could just shoot some Patriot missiles and take out the labs quietly," and "no one would know it was us." This idea came from the same POTUS who proposed launching nuclear weapons at approaching hurricanes! The best part of the tale is that Trump, who has boasted of his mastery of all things military, proposed using Patriot missiles to take out the cartel labs. Two problems: the Patriot only has a range of 62 miles and it's a surface-to-air missile which means it's designed to take out airborne targets, not ground-based meth labs. 

Want to Slow COVID? Defend Roe v. Wade 

The activists with Population Connection (formerly known as Zero Population Growth) have come up with a plague-fighting solution that has received little attention: If you want to stop the spread of deadly diseases among the human population, they argue, you'll need to reduce the size of the human population. (Germs, bacteria, and virus have known this fact for eons.) 

"Before COVIS, there was Ebola, Zika, HIV, West Nile, and SARS," PC writes. "In recent decades, more than 300 deadly infection disases have emerged. One of the major reasons is rapid population growth. We can—and must—stop it." 

Like many other deadly infections, these "zoonotic" diseases were spread by human contact with previously remote wildlife. "When we add 80 million people to our planet every year, we push wildlife out of their habitats and bring them into closer contact with humans." 

Ironically, "pro-life" Republicans are essentially assuring the survival of deadly pathogens by providing an ever-expanding diet of human bodies. Family planning and contraception should be considered as effective pandemic defenses, right alongside vaccines and inoculations. If the Global Gag Rule (which bans advice on birth control options) and contraceptive medical services were provided, PC argues, unwanted pregnancies would fall by 8%, unsafe abortions would decline by 72%, and maternal deaths would, drop by 62%. 

Still, even with "significant fertility declines' the human population is on track to top 9.7 billion by mid-century, Bad news for beleaguered wildlife; great news for disease-spreading bacteria and viruses. 

Fashion Plates 

Blue Tesla: MRSCHOW. 

BMW: ICEBEEM (ICBM). 

Tesla: DSGNERD (Design Nerd) 

A BMW: GRNBEAM (Green Beam) 

Mazda with Colorado plate: MNTMAMA (Mountain Mama) 

Red Lexus: GTGSTBY (Great Gatsby?) 

Toyota van: CAP FRNK (Captain Frank) 

Subaru Outback: CDG SFO (Charles de Gaulle Airport; San Francisco Airport) 

Red Mini Cooper: [Heart symbol] 2PIRAT: (Love to Pirate) 

Unidentified Model: HUIS [Hand/Palm symbol] 23 (Who is Psalm 23? A: "Jesus") 

Unidentified Model: L HMBRE (El Hombre) 

Toyota: LOAANKD (Low and Naked?) 

Toyota Cruiser: FISHAWK. Framing statement: "Reunite Gondwanaland." 

Blue Mazda: DNCFEVR (Dance Fever). Bonus: the plate frame contains the message: "Don't Touch. I've Got Dance Fever. Let's Boogie!" 

"Make Love Not War": Make Movies Not Sense 

Here's a short, big-budget video that tries to make the case that Love Can Vanquish War. To my eye, however, it looks like a reverse Lysistrata. 

Awesome presentation but it seems a bit creepy to propose that women can stop war by offering themselves as sexual playmates. This comes across as a "guy's fantasy," where a beautiful young blond approaches a tank, walking over the rubble of a city and climbing onto the metal war machine wearing … a pair of sexy red stiletto shoes. The video actually includes a quick close-up of the shoe, setting foot on the steel flank of the tank. 

Oddly (and conveniently), there's no tank crew inside. Just a single young soldier emerges and the couple immediately embrace. No words are exchanged. No handshakes. Instead, it's the straight-forward message: "Make Sex Not War." 

In a Vietnam-based alternative universe, the most beautiful girl in a village targeted by US helicopter gunships walks toward an armed US soldier. The fear is that he will mow her down, My Lai-style. Instead, he drops his rifle, closes in on her and they embrace. Instead of offering words of peace, concern, or commiseration, or apology for invading her village, the soldier and girl immediately start French-kissing. 

Instead of envisioning peace, the video is more like an exercise in war-porn. 

Bike and Walk for a Livable Climate 

Check out this summer-time event supporting the campaign for climate solutions. The Road to a Livable Climate is set for June 4 & 5 and 11 & 12. Join 350 Bay Area this summer for two fun-filled weekends exploring the Bay Area by foot and by bicycle across six counties. Each event will feature inspiring speakers, climate points-of-interest along the way, a delicious lunch, and prizes. See the routes and register today!