Columns
SMITHEREENS: Reflections on Bits & Pieces
How to Handle a Deranged Tenant
It's not an uncommon event: a tenant, facing eviction, refuses to vacate the premises and, in a parting gesture of defiance, trashes the property, leaving the landlord to deal with the wreckage.
You guessed it: I'm thinking about Donald Trump.
TV host Jimmy Kimmel recently coined a term for Trump's refusal to accept the fact that his first term in office has been electorally terminated. Kimmel's word for Trump's Oval Office recalcitrance: "Squattergate."
Faced with the spectacle of Trump doing everything he can to make the new tenant's arrival difficult, unpleasant, and challenging, Kimmel wondered aloud why we provide loosing leaders in contentious elections the ripe opportunity to hang around for two months, mucking up the governing process until Inauguration Day rolls around.
In response, Kimmel has proposed a Constitutional solution. He called it the Airbnb Rule: "Lose an election and the next day you're out at 11 AM."
Trumplandia: Martial Law and Public Executions?
In Tenant Trump's case, he's not just writing dirty words on the White House walls, he's threatening to burn down the whole neighborhood—from sea to shining sea.
While Trump may have lost the unquestioned fealty of his Chief Toady—the frog-like Attorney General William Barr, who recently proclaimed the 2020 election legit—Trump can still count on a mob of lesser firebrands who have been turning up the heat with a chorus of horrific harangues.
Trump's former National Security Advisor Lt. Gen. (Ret.) Mike Flynn is promoting a petition calling on Trump to declare "martial law" and order a new election supervised by the Pentagon and local police.
The petition implausibly calls for defending democracy from "the international and domestic socialist/communist left" by "temporarily suspend[ing] the Constitution." The petition warns that, without armed troops standing guard to oversee new elections, "the threat of a shooting Civil War is imminent."
Meanwhile, disgraced Trump attorney Sydney Powell is tweet-begging Trump to invoke the Insurrection Act, declare the election void, and set up "military tribunals" to deal with anyone who dares say otherwise. Some StormTrumpers are even calling for "public executions" of their fellow Americans.
Cheeky Freaky Holiday Ads
Hard to image, since we've been living with Covid-19 since March, but now that it's the holiday season, the TV ads are looking strangely retro.
More often than not, I'm seeing shopping ads that look like they were filmed in some distant, Pre-Pandemic universe. Living rooms and kitchens stuffed with generations of family members preparing to get stuff from under the holiday tree or get stuffed at the dining room table. And nobody's wearing a mask. Instead of social distancing, it's full-on hugs and cuddles. Every cheek and chin is visible: no longer a half-world of eyes, ears and brows.
Was all the ad money spent on filming these ads prior to the arrival of the coronavirus? Or are advertisers intentionally promoting the fable of a virus-free world because it is more conducive to promoting sales?
According to RetailWire, an Ace Matrix study found that some products are just incompatible with face masks—specifically: ads for "cosmetics and toothpaste are hard to advertise with faces covered." An "overwhelming majority" of viewers surveyed by Ace Metrix did not object to ads featuring groups of unmasked revelers in holiday commercials. Less than 1% of viewers, found these ads upsetting. (This could be another reason infections continue to soar.)
Other findings:
• COVID-19 themes appeared in 32% of holiday ads, with many focusing on the "new normal" versus traditional seasonal concepts.
• Under 10% of holiday ads feature masks this year, with the retail category most frequently emphasizing face coverings, particularly around scenes of in-store shopping.
• The exclusion of masks in ads did not evoke feelings strong enough for most viewers to even comment on their absence.
• Messaging that clearly made the case for masks were more popular than subtle ads that left viewers to draw their own conclusions.
• Using masks to sell products can heighten perceptions that the brand is seeking to exploit a tragic event.
• 76% of Republicans complained about masks appearing in ads; 88% of Democrats reacted positively to the promotion of masks.
Draw Your Own Opinion
The East Bay Express' Opinion column offers something completely different this week. Instead of a flurry of words, the space is filled with an intricately detailed 16-panel cartoon that retells the history of a rare and imperiled Telegraph Avenue business—The Hat Company.
The cartoon was created by Waylon Bacon, a former Berkeley resident and former Hat Company employee who stayed in touch with the owners—Ed and Carol—over the years and has now come to their aid with a one-of-a-kind illustrated appeal.
The panels cover most of the page and the 900 or so words crammed inside the cartoon panels cover a lot of ground and a good deal of local history.
If you spot the EBX around town this week, pick up a copy and enjoy this rare and well-executed gift of friendship. (You can also view it online at this link: The Hat Company.)
The Goldman Environmental Awards
Each year, the Goldman Environmental Prize is honored to recognize six heroes of the environment. The event usually draws hundreds of Bay Area activists to San Francisco's War Memorial building. This year, the event reached even more viewers when it was broadcast live on Facebook, YouTube, and Twitter. Hosted by award-winning actress Sigourney Weaver, this virtual award ceremony featured Goldman stalwart Robert Redford, Danni Washington, and Lenny Kravitz, as well as musical performances from Jack Johnson and Michael Franti.
The complete broadcast can be watched at the link following the list of this year's remarkable activists.
As a direct result of Chibeze Ezekiel’s four-year grassroots campaign, the Ghanaian Minister of Environment canceled the construction of a 700-megawatt coal power plant and adjoining shipping port to import coal.
Kristal Ambrose, The Bahamas
Drawing on the power of youth activism, Kristal Ambrose convinced the government of The Bahamas to ban single-use plastic bags, plastic cutlery, straws, and Styrofoam containers and cups.
An indigenous Mayan beekeeper, Leydy Pech led a coalition that halted Monsanto’s planting of genetically modified soybeans in southern Mexico. The Mexican Supreme Court ruled that the government violated the Mayans’ constitutional rights and Mexico’s Food and Agricultural Service revoked Monsanto’s permit to grow genetically modified soybeans in seven states.
In 2017, Lucie Pinson’s activism successfully pressured France’s three largest banks to eliminate financing for new coal projects and coal companies. She then compelled French insurance companies to follow suit and announce plans to end insurance coverage for all coal projects.
Nemonte Nenquimo led an indigenous campaign and legal action that resulted in a court ruling that has protected 500,000 acres of Amazonian rainforest and Waorani territory from oil extraction.
Seeking to preserve both the environment and Karen culture in Myanmar, Paul Sein Twa led his people in establishing a 1.35-million-acre peace park—a unique and collaborative community-based approach to conservation—in the Salween River basin.
The 2020 Goldman Environmental Prize Ceremony
Call Me Garth Vader
I just went online to fill out the boxes for EZ Pay auto-payments on my SF Chronicle subscription. In the box asking for "name on credit card," I typed in Gar G Smith. At least I thought that was what I typed.
When the confirmation response arrived, however, I found listed my name appeared as "Gar Sith."
I'm hoping the Chron can correct that error. I don't want to be mistaken for a Star Wars villain.
It's Time to Disable Our Disabling Vocabularies
December 3 was International Day of Persons with Disabilities, a day intended to focus attention on "the one billion people who live with a disability." According to Humanity & Inclusion, "80% of people with disabilities live in developing countries."
The Daily Kos marked the date by posting an article entitled "Saying Goodbye to Ableist Language." The article explained how "ableism occurs when people are discriminated against, or otherwise dehumanized, based on disability. This might include mental disability or physical disability."
The problem became clear when the author asked how often we unthinkingly use these words or phrases: "crazy, lame, crippled, paralyzed, schizophrenic, bipolar, OCD, obsessive-compulsive, dumb, stupid, blind spot, blind reading, falling on deaf ears, moronic, insane, or psycho."
Having been sensitized to the issue of disabling lingo, I re-read the opening sentence in the Kos piece and wondered if it was also an example of an unconscious abelist slant. It read:
"As 2020 creeps to a close, many of us feel like we’ve been at a loss for words over and over."
Fashion Plates
Smithereens recently noted a local car with a personalized license plate that read: "POOP."
I'm also fond of a Mini Cooper parked on Henry Street whose plate reads: ELGONIF.
Anyone else have any fave plates to report? If so, we might be reviving one of SF Chronicle columnist Herb Caen's favorite space-fillers.
Here's an initial, unsolicited submission from phil allen:
"I've noted custom plates ever since an Afro-driven lime-green Cad convertible zoomed by me on the way to Vegas, in '73. To date, its plate is my favorite: KMMFA.
Here are some others: AIYAAH .. SS888SS (among those designed to confuse the law-abiding).. SLEEEEP, REALAXX, SINFINI, and the most startling: OK2HATE."
I asked phil what message KMMFA might have been sending. His XRATED guess was: Kiss My M— F— A—."
Too Tough to Care
In a recent email, Jeff Blankfort (an Internet-ordained "legendary photojournalist") ruminated about the anti-polio vaccinations of 1963 (available to one and all "for only a quarter donation if they so chose") and went on to recall his work with the Marin Medical Society. Blankfort remembered ho—with the coins they took in from vaccination donations—"we decided to make a satire on tobacco advertising."
The result was a 19-minute parody called "Too Tough Care" starring members of SF's famed comedy club, The Committee. "Scott Beach, Larry Hankin, Hamilton Camp, Richard Stahl, and Gary Goodrow, volunteered their acting skills with my secretary and some other friends taking the other roles."
The resulting sketch was crowd-pleaser but, as Blankfort recalls: "The local chapter of the American Cancer Society wanted nothing to do with it. When I was asked to show it at the office of McCann Erickson Advertising—which had prided itself on refusing to take on any more tobacco clients—the office staff had laughed loudly in the darkened office as the film rolled by. When the lights went back on, it was clear that the office manager was not pleased. 'That film is not just against tobacco advertising,' he blurted, 'it's against all advertising!' 'Well, if the shoe fits...,' I replied and packed up and left."
Last week, to Blankfort's surprise, he discovered that a version of "Too Tough to Care" had somehow been posted on YouTube, "the original color having become sepia and the production credited to someone named Sid Davis who had nothing to do with the making of the film, of which I thought I had the only existing color print." And so, as Blankfort writes, "Enjoy!"
Here is the link:
$1,000 a Week for Life!
This year, on a lark, I decided to play along with the Publishers Clearing House and put in my bid for a nongovernmental Stimulus Package. Every week or so, PCH sends an update my way, promising that "we are ready to deliver the money—every day for life."
Of course, I realized the odds of winning are pretty steep—one chance in 3.84 billion. Since there a 7.7 billion people on Earth, you can't get your hopes up too high. (Assuming that everyone on the planet participated, this would mean two lucky winners, tops.)
But the PCH envelopes keep coming—each one different and each filled with sticky labels to peel off and properly place on participant cards to be mailed back promptly.
One envelope arrived in mid-November bearing the proclamations "Only & Final Advance Notice" and "Executive Mandate" and confirming that my 12-digit Prize Number "has a real possibility of winning our upgraded $1,000 A Week For Life prize."
The big Final Envelope arrived last week, stuffed with coupons of things I could order, even though PCH clearly states that failure to sign up to buy their magazines and household goods will have no impact on one's chances of scoring a front-porch visit from the PCH Prize Patrol.
Some of the goodies include publications like Men's Health, Reader's Digest, Southern Living, and Wood magazine. Some of the products include: a 13-inch hammered steel pan, a 90-inch-long Silent Night Mantel Scarf, a Women's Flannel Nightgown, a 36-Piece Colored Pencil Set, a Mini Tape Gun, a "God Bless the USA" Wall Cross, a set of 19 nail files, and a Flexi Head Telescopic Squeegee that extends to more than 39 inches!
But the latest and last oversized envelope contained a distressing new wrinkle, direct from PCH Executive Vice President Deborah Holland: "It may surprise you to learn that someone from your area is hoping you won't respond to this" because "every number from this notice was paired with two recipients to help prevent their forfeiture—and you are a Primary Owner." The good news is that, although my potentially winning ticket has been assigned to two other contenders, the rights to the ticket "are yours for the taking!"
PCH's pitch takes an odd turn at this point with this observation: "Can you imagine losing a win for life prize to one of your neighbors: someone you may actually know! It could be devastating!"
Apparently Neighbor Envy is a potent tool to drive participants to fill out their PCH forms with all the transferable sticky labels moved to the right spots on the return card which, as PCH puts it, must be "timely returned."
Holland's letter raises an obvious question: "Do you know WHY we give away all the FREE MONEY? The answer may surprise you… (see other side)."
A quick flip of the letter provides the answer: "There's nothing we enjoy more than making folks like you Sweepstakes Winners, Gar!"
Well, maybe there is something else. There's a somewhat scolding note at the bottom of the page that reads: "Our records show the last time we sent you a mailing,, you did NOT place an order…." (PCH thoughtfully included two detachable stamps containing pre-selected items to order—a Nutri Chopper Kitchen Slicer and a Bell & Howell Tac Pen.)
I guess I'll see how forgiving PCH is come December 18 when the prize payout is announced.
And if I win? Don't worry, neighbors. I won't forget you.
Rudi Works Up a Sweat
By The Founders Sing
