Public Comment

Last year I did a piece about feeling self-possessed, and I'd said it was a feeling that I hadn't had in a long time. Mental resources can come and go. Your mind is not something you can take for granted. You can't assume that your mind will always work. 

Your mind is affected by what happens to you. Too many events took place that affected my thinking and that caused me to lose a lot of my "higher" functioning. In my current circumstances, I live alone, and I have a lot of time in which there are no demands on me. There are no crises to which I must respond. There are no cohabitants, spouses, or other, expecting me to do anything or be anything. And there are downsides to this. Yet, the solitude has allowed me in many respects to get clear. I continue to have responsibilities, yet there aren't a lot of immediate demands on me. 

Different people respond to environments differently. My current life is not the ideal that I would want for myself. And if you suffer from a serious psychiatric disorder, too much alone time is potentially damaging. I have to be careful and make sure that I get an adequate amount of contact with fellow human beings. 

I've been able to do a lot of what I'll call, "Self-Repair." This is in opposition to what I'll call "psychological entropy": I have a lot of problems and they assert themselves in my emotions, impulses, and thoughts. 

But I believe that I am more self-possessed. And I jotted down what I this means to me: 

#1. I do not need to act on every impulse that I get. My body and mind will generate numerous strong impulses. Some of them are undoubtedly based on erroneous thinking, including delusional thinking as well as mere inaccuracies. Other impulses are more or less reality-based, but regardless of that, many of the impulses, or the ideas that I get, merit no action. If I acted on every impulse, I wouldn't last. It is not possible for a person to act on every impulse. 

You must decide, in the case of the stronger impulses that are telling you mind you must "do this" whether it truly makes sense, to act on the impulse, or not. And you must have the ability to ignore, reject, or otherwise nullify an impulse you have decided not to act on. 

#2. When I think of doing something, if it is not an immediate necessity, I often stop to contemplate the action. And I will often try to speculate future consequences of the action, good, bad, or indifferent. If I realize something is likely to have bad outcome, I have my answer (no) about whether I should take that action. 

#3. I usually know when to hold my tongue, depending on circumstances, my surroundings, with whom I am dealing, and other factors. In fact, I probably go too far in holding silent. I will often think--before deciding I am offended by something, and then deciding that a remark or action deserves get a response. 

It is important that we are offended by a person's actions, but not by a person. Everyone has a right to exist. When we share space with someone, both parties, me, and them, probably have a right to be present. The self-possessed person is likely to be aware of this. 

There are some people I can't stand. For my sake, not theirs, I employ impulse control rather than calling them up to yell at them. 

#4. Just because you have some money, it does not mean you must spend it. Having money seems to produce some type of pressure on a person's mind. For some people it seems to generate discomfort, and many people solve this by spending their money as fast as they can. Yet if you can learn to tolerate the discomfort of holding onto the money you get, generally you are better off. 

#5. Learning "mindfulness" leads to being self-possessed. When we get farther along in our development, we can learn to control some types of fear reactions. I have had an opportunity to deal with bullying-type men who believe they can scare the little guy (me) into cooperating with their nefarious schemes. More than once I have confronted such men and have given it right back. I taught myself this ability and I am happy to have it, since it helps me survive. 

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Many types of mindfulness will lead you to becoming self-possessed. There are many places you can learn this. Being a psychiatric consumer doesn't rule it out. Being medicated does not stop you from being self-possessed. 

We should never devalue ourselves because a doctor told us that we have a disability. We should never buy the clinical assessments that are in fact putdowns, and the dismissals of so-called "treatment professionals." And this embarks on a completely different subject, one that I will probably address in future weeks.