Columns

Viral Vindication

Critical Replacement Theory may be an empty Tucker-Carlson-talking point but Natural Selection is still a Darwinian reality. The latest evidence comes from the Centers for Disease Control's report on COVID-19 mortalities. While the US accounts for a million of the 15 million global deaths (chants of "We're Number One! We're Number One!"), it turns out there's a partisan impact to the plague.

According to the CDC and Johns Hopkins University, the 16 US states with the highest COVID death rates are all states under Republican control. The states with the lowest death rates are largely Democratic. California had the lowest rate (58 deaths per 100,000) while mask-ditching, vax-nixing West Virginia had the highest (204 deaths per 100,000).

Reading the Small Print

I recently grabbed a cold bottle of Minute Maid apple juice and got another reminder of the ever-present reach of Global Capitalism. In addition to a printed reminder that Minute Maid is now owned by Coca-Cola, the ingredients list read as follows: "Apple concentrates from USA, Argentina, Chile, China, Turkey, Hungary, Austria, Poland and Italy."

What's up? Coke can't find enough apples in the US? And why's the list not in alphabetical order? 

Time for TIME's Titans 

TIME magazine just published its annual round-up of "The World's 100 Most Influential People." One of the attractions of this exercise is seeing who the editors enticed into singing the praise of its winners. Some examples of these match-ups: Actor Channing Tatum's appreciation was written by fellow actor Mathew McConaughey; Tim Cook was praised by Steven Jobs' partner Laurene Powell Jobs. Oprah Winfrey's plaudits came from Michelle Obama. Rafael Nadal received a pass from Tom Brady. 

One of the most creative write-ups was Questlove's salute to Wordle inventor Josh Wardle. It involved a 144-word tribute made up exclusively of five-letter words. (Questlove got his own TIME trib courtesy of Jimmy Fallon.) 

Under the category of "Leaders," TIME included the following winners and fellow celebrity back-slappers: Volodymyr Zelensky (Joe Biden); Joe Biden (Bill Clinton); Ron DeSantis (Jeb Bush); and an all-TIME capper—Vladimir Putin was assessed by Putin-foe Alexei Navalny whose scathing criticism of the Russian leader was somehow smuggled out of a "maximum-security prison colony" where Navalny is serving a nine-year sentence. 

TIME's Top 100 List contains a mystery, however. According to the magazine's poll, the top vote-getter was Ukraine's Zelensky followed by Elon Musk and Boris Johnson. But, for some unexplained reason, neither Musk nor Johnson appear in TIME's 2022 Trendy Tally. (Maybe TIME couldn't convince Jeff Bezos to be Musk's praise partner and nobody had a good word for Boris.) 

Weird Words 

Consider the word "depose." What's it mean? Is the individual being "interviewed" in a legal proceeding or "overthrown" in a political uprising? 

Or how about the word "recall," which (1) can refer to bringing back a pleasant memory or (2) can refer to bringing down an unpleasant elected official. 

Best Use of a Lede Sentence 

Local journalist Bill Berkowitz recently posted an article on BuzzFlash with the tasty title: "Meet Ken Griffin, a GOP Hedge Fund Billionaire Who Wants to Eat Chicago." It began with the following: 

"Kenneth C. Griffin is a Chicago billionaire that runs the Citadel hedge fund—$43 billion in assets—and Citadel Securities. Griffin, Illinois’ richest person, according to Forbes, has become the biggest donor to the Republican Party this election cycle. What does Griffin want out of politics? Power! And since he isn’t running for office, it’s behind the scenes, pulling the strings type power! Griffin has a net worth of about $30 billion…." 

The part I liked was right there in the lead sentence, which describes Griffin as "a Chicago billionaire that runs the Citadel hedge fund…." Note: "that runs" not "who runs." Seems to imply that billionaires are just not human. 

Creepy Characters Online 

What is it about the anonymity of the Internet that it allows ordinary humans to reimagine themselves as ghoulish avatars? Oh, right. It's the "anonymity" thing. 

Recently, I stumbled across a discussion on a site called Documenting Reality ("There are some things you just can't unsee"), hosted by "korndawg." The topic of the day was the Uvalde schoolroom shootings and I was creeped out by some of the nom-de-nets that visitors had adopted. They included: bagpuss, BlackCaaaaat, blackfire90, BloodyAri, deathpics, HYPRTCKR, Chinchillazilla, Dodecahedron, icehole, iceman247, Muddytrux, reaperman69, XxMutilatedxX, Morbidcharlie69, AceGoober, bentdawg, and zombiesniper. 

Summing Up the Summit 

The Summit of the America's was hobbled by Joe Biden's executive decision to exclude Cuba, Nicaragua, and Venezuela from attending because Biden accused them of being "dictatorships." The charge went unchallenged by the Mainstream Media, which still seems to be mind-locked in a hoosegow of Cold War thinking. 

Cuba, Nicaragua, and Venezuela all have open elections for national assemblies and executive positions. While some of these elections may be criticized as flawed, none of these countries are ruled by military officers or police-state autocrats. 

And speaking of "flawed" elections, it's worth noting that the US is not a true democracy either. Our leaders are not chosen by a direct popular vote. Instead, that chore is handled by a misrepresentative artifact known as the Electoral College—or, in close, disputed contests, decided by a vote of an unelected US Supreme Court. 

The truth is America has not only failed to make the Top Ten list of world democracies, in 2016 it fell from the World Population Review's list of "full democracies" and tumbled into the category of "flawed democracies." 

The US also has a sordid history of coups and backing attempted coups (aka "regime change") against elected governments in Latin America including Argentina, Bolivia, Brazil, Chile, Cuba, Ecuador, El Salvador, Guatemala, Haiti, Honduras, Paraguay, Peru, and Venezuela. 

More recently, Joe Biden has taken up Donald Trump's campaign to recognize Juan Guaido (a Mike-Pence-anointed shill) as the unelected "interim president" of Venezuela. 

Veterans Raise Their Voices for Millions 

Fashion Plates 

Some personalized license plates spotted around town: 

Red truck: GTALIFT ("Get a Lift") 

INA2ND (In a Second) 

EYAMIGO (Hey, my friend) 

WASEEM2 (Cute Arabic Boy 2) 

And a tip of the hat to phil allen who reports spotting a "little sporty hardtop" one recent morning on 101 in Marin with a plate reading: BLURRRR 

Here are some plates from the "Your Guess Is as Good as Mine" file: 

CALICV: California Internal Combustion Vehicle? 

CCHEONG: A fan of Cheech and Chong? 

8HS683: Over a span of 8 hours, six people ate three pies? 

MOFESNL: Make Options For Enjoying Saturday Night Live? Mofesional? (According to the Urban Dictionary a "mofe" is "a girl who is pretty smart and liked by many.") 

A Life-and-Death Conundrum 

It is a weird statistical fact that the majority of people who oppose abortion by invoking the "pro-life" argument also hold the position that the state has the right to extinguish life by imposing a "death penalty." 

The inconsistency is addressed in an article in The Federalist that argues: "There is a gaping categorical chasm between killing an unborn child and [executing] a convicted felon." 

Back in the '90s, I formed a faux social-cause organization called "Right-to-Lifers for the Death Penalty." I thought I was engaged in satire. I didn't realize there were folks about who found it reasonable to reconcile the seemingly irreconcilable. 

Life, Death, and the US Constitution 

Pro-choice and pro-life advocates have both claimed their positions are supported by the US Constitution. Neither case appears to be true. The only use of the word "life" in the Constitution is found in Article III, Section 3, Clause 2, which refers to treason and states: “The Congress shall have Power to declare the Punishment of Treason, but no Attainder of Treason shall work Corruption of Blood, or Forfeiture except during the Life of the Person attainted.” 

It is in the Declaration of Independence that we find the stirring words that offer the promise of "life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.” 

But the Declaration was addressed to King George and apparently has little legal standing in US jurisprudence. (Note: The Declaration only contains an offer to pursue happiness. There's no guarantee that anyone can actually expect to achieve happiness.) 

Maybe this is a good thing. If the Declaration were the law of the land, gun owners might be able to present the SCOTUS with an argument that they have a "right" to bear AK-15s because owning assault rifles makes them "happy." 

The Right to Bear Swords 

The Minute Men of the American Revolution weren't armed with assault rifles. The rebel militias (and the armed slavery-enforcing police squads that followed) relied on single-shot muskets, pistols, and swords. The blades ranged from cuttoe hunting swords to Horseman's sabers and the Highland broadsword. 

If the NRA were true to its revolutionary roots, it should consider creating a parallel organization: the National Rapier Association. This new, enhanced NRA would campaign for the right to bear sabers. 

This would present us with a means of testing the gun-owners' argument that everyone has a right to "bear arms." We could start by insisting that every American has a right to "open carry" cutlasses and sabers. Unlike bullet-spewing handguns and rifles, sharp iron blades are only useful for "self-defense" in close quarters. That, alone, would seem to make them "safer" than ballistic weapons. It would be much harder to pull off a mass-slashing than a mass-shooting. But somehow, I sense that the average Jill and Joe American would not be comfortable in a world where citizens were empowered to swagger down sidewalks and shopping aisles wearing broadswords. 

And if combat weapons like assault rifles are to be allowed, what's to stop the NRA from demanding the legal right to carry shoulder-mounted, rocket-propelled grenade launchers? 

Meet Survivors of Israeli's Attack on the USS Liberty 

This month marks the 55th anniversary of Israel's military attack on the USS Liberty, on June 8, 1967. In the aftermath of the attack, Washington mainly chose to ignore the incident, apparently as a courtesy to Israel. At noon on Tuesday, June 21, Veterans For Peace and World BEYOND War's Florida chapter will be hosting a Zoom presentation about an assault that killed 34 and wounded more than 100 US sailors. Two survivors of the attack, Ernest Gallo and Mickey LeMay, will share their personal stories and answer questions. Register here.