Columns

Is That Why It's Called a Restroom?

After my sixth lap around the MLK Jr. Middle School track, I had to "recalculate" and head for the head—a.k.a. the privy, outhouse, latrine, loo, comfort station, honey bucket, earth closet, bogger, brasco, commode.

As I was trotting through the newly opened tot-playground, I heard another pair of shoes slipping up behind me. The runner soon passed and was clearly going to reach the Porta-Potty before me. I diplomatically veered off to await my turn at the urn. As I took up a position in front of the gate to the Swim Center, I watched as the runner approached the "comfort station"—and was baffled when he opened the door, suddenly bolted backwards, and shut the hut.

He turned to see me standing in line and offered some breaking news:
"I don't think you want to go in there just now. There's someone sleeping inside!" 

As we left the lodger to slumber in peace, I wondered if this is the next stage in affordable living for the unhoused. The concept of the "Tiny Home" just got tinier. 

Letters the Chronicle Didn't Run 

Granted, it was a lame idea to pen an anti-Pentagon protest letter-to-the-editor on Veterans' Day—a national holiday dedicated to honoring the institution of war—but I gave it a try anyway. Here's the note the Chronicle opted not to note. 

Regretfully, I must take issue with Joe Biden's Veterans' Day speech in which he described the Armed Forces as "the solid steel spine" and the "soul of America." 

As President Biden has repeatedly proclaimed, the country's real backbone is "America's working class." As for "the soul" of America, that would be our nation's first responders and caregivers. As for the US troops currently stationed in more than 80 foreign nations, we might better describe them as "the fists and boots of Washington's foreign policy." 

Manchin Needs More Coal for His Mansion 

It's no secret that Sen. Joe Manchin and his family are heavily invested in West Virginia's coal economy. According to CNN, Manchin's "holdings [are] valued at between $1 million and $5 million in Enersystems, Inc., the coal brokerage business he founded." Last year, Manchin reaped more than $491,000 from these holdings—more than double his $174,000 Senate salary. And when it comes to "conflicts of interest," Manchin is the poster-child since he currently chairs the Senate's Energy and Natural Resources Committee. Ruling over this powerful committee, Manchin is perfectly seated to overrule the part of President Biden's Build Back Better program that calls for a phase-out of carbon energy and a transition to clean, renewable wind and solar. 

It's become clear that Joe Manchin would rather see the entire world burn than see a single coal mine shuttered.  

To my mind, that makes Manchin "a coal-blooded killer." 

Notes from a Green New Dealer 

Melanie D'Arrigo is a healthcare worker, an activist and a mother-of-three who hopes to win election to New York's 3rd District by promising to expand Medicare for All, address climate change, and overcome income inequality by advancing the Green New Deal. 

While D'Arrigo applauds the $1.75 trillion Build Back Better compromise (which still includes universal pre-school, and a temporary extension of the expanded Child Tax Credit) she's bothered by the loss of Biden's Clean Energy Performance Program. 

"Congress doesn't prioritize things like healthcare for our families" D'Arrigo says. "because lobbyists give them a lot of money to focus on giving tax breaks and subsidies to corporations and the wealthy." To prove her point, D'Arrigo cites an OpenSecrets list of the loot that some top industries have given to members of Congress—so far this year:
Fossil Fuels: $6,680,062
Defense: $3,339,841
Internet / Telecom: $4,879,217
Finance: $31,323,080
Real Estate: $14,480,686
Insurance: $6,825,483
Pharmaceuticals: $4,522,295 

The Clean Electricity Performance Program (designed to transition to clean renewable energy) was blocked by Sen. Joe Manchin, who holds millions in coal company stocks and meets with Exxon lobbyists on a weekly basis. Thanks to his family-owned coal business, Manchin pockets more carbon-tainted "black money" than any other Senator. 

D'Arrigo also laments the loss of Biden's plan to allow the federal government to negotiate lower prices for prescription drugs. This cut-back was carved by the Senate's other Democrat In Name Only, Kyrsten Sinema, who ran for office on a promise to lower the cost prescription drugs, but now seems more attached to the $500,000-plus dollars her campaign has been gifted by the pharmaceutical industry. 

Gosar? It's Time for You to Go, Sir!  

If Al Franken could be expelled from the Senate for posing for a photo where he pretended to grope a sleeping female co-worker, Representative Paul Gosar (R-AZ) deserves a resounding condemnation — not just an act of censure but a full expulsion from the House and a possible civilian trial — for pretending to murder a female House colleague. Gosar's staff billed the country's taxpayers for the time they spent creating an anime-style video depicting Gosar slashing—and nearly decapitating—fellow Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez. As blood gushes from AOC's neck, Gosar's anime avatar flies off to attack the US president. (Looks like seditious, traitorous behavior to me but Gosar dismissed his critics as "infantile" and "laughable"—and followed up by saying his staff was responsible for producing the video.) 

In the Trump-aligned GOP, 206 Congress members voted to oppose censuring Gosar. Only two Republicans voted to condemn the simulated assassination of a female colleague. 

The Dark State is employing some dark stunts in an attempt to push the country toward civil war—the ultimate distraction to avoid making far-reaching social changes that threaten the fortunes of the powerful few. 

The GOPs Incumbent Insurrectionists 

The CrazyEight PAC takes its name from the octet of currently serving Congress members who were personally involved in the events that lead to the storming of the US Capitol building on January 6. Now it's looking like CrazyEight may have to change its name to keep up with changing circumstances. 

"The January 6 insurrection isn’t over," the PAC proclaims, citing a troubling trend—to wit: "At least 10 Capitol rioters were elected to local office this month." 

John McGuire, a Virginia native, was photographed with a pack of men in paramilitary gear facing off against police on Jan. 6. A Trump Republican, McGuire was just elected to Virginia's House of Delegates. 

Matthew Lynch, a school teacher, was forced to resign his position as a high school instructor after photos surfaced showing him participating in the bogus "Stop the Steal" ruckus. (Lynch called his critics a “digital Lynch mob” so let's give him some points for crafting a timely pun.) A Trumpublican, Lynch just secured a seat on his local Massachusetts school committee.  

Marie March, another Pro-Trumper, has Facebooked warnings of a “coming Civil War” and pledged her willingness to “fight and die” for her beliefs. March just won a spot in Virginia's House of Delegates. 

The Huffington Post notes with alarm that there are 57 current state and local Republican officials who participated in the Jan. 6 attempt to disrupt the 2020 presidential election—and many of them will be up for reelection in 2022. 

A New Ploy to Stump Trump? 

Despite his retreat to the shadowlands of Mar-a-Lago, the Republic still faces the specter of the Orange Blobs' expressed intent to recapture the White House in 2024. But blocking a Trump re-run with a mere censure ruling would not suffice to bar his return to power. That's why concerned political strategists are preparing to invoke Section 3 of the Constitution's 14^th Amendment, which declares:
"No person shall … hold any office, civil or military, under the United States , or, under any state, who, having previously taken an oath … to support the Constitution of the United States, shall have engaged in insurrection or rebellion against the same." 

Nicknames and Knock-names for Mr. No Name 

Back at the start of the year—after the January attack on the Capitol—Late Night host Stephen Colbert took an oath to never again pronounce Donald Trump's name on-air. The ban also included any visual presentations of Der Trumpf's brand name—hence Colbert's use of the "T****" tag. 

Faced with the challenge of coining nicknames for the disgraced and twice-impeached GOP Flop, Colbert invited viewers to assist his staff writers in conjuring code-words and sharing them at the hashtag #HeWhoShallBeNamed. 

Here are some of the knock-names that have aired:
Girth Vader, Traffic Cone of Treason, Eric's Dad, Penis Pumpkinhead, Previous Occupant of the Oval Office (POOO), Centaur of Gravity, Annoying Orange, President Spanky, Orange Dick Tator, The Floridian Fondler, Orange Julius, The Great White Dope, SCROTUS, BLOATUS, The Orange Slug, Mar-a-Lardo, Tangerine Ball Bag, King Baby Coward, Tighty Whitey Bulger, and Ole Yeller.  

Meanwhile, I have my own nickname for The Former Guy. I prefer to refer to him as "TrumpleThinSkin, the Ochre Ogre." 

That's "KP" as in "Keep Your Distance" 

During a recent visit to the Kaiser Permanente facility in Oakland, I spotted an attractive garden in the sculpture garden alongside the southern wall of the 3600 Broadway building. It looked like a pleasant place to sit down and enjoy some sunshine—until I noticed a red sign on a pole amidst the greenery. It read: "CAUTION: Freezing gases and small objects may be discharged without notice from vents above." 

Beware of falling tongue depressors and vaccination needles? I quickly moved on. 

Befuddled by a Biblical Billboard 

There's a billboard that towers over a major Oakland intersection that is raising some eschatological issues. In huge block letters, the Clear Channel marquee at the corner of Telegraph and West McArthur offers an invitation: "DISCOVER why Jesus created you." The answer is to be found by calling (82) FOR-TRUTH—the phone number for the Christian Aid Ministries (CAM). 

As a former Boy Scout chaplain, the message left me a bit befuddled. According to my biblical teachings, it was God Almighty who created "mankind." Jesus came along much later—when the world was well-populated with humans. The signage seems to propose that, some 20 centuries ago, the Heavenly Father somehow delegated the chore of creation to his son. If so, are there any inherent differences between humans created by Jehovah and humans created by Jesus? Guess I'll just have to make that phone call. 

An earlier iteration of the sign offered the message: "Shackled by LUST? JESUS Sets Free." The Biblical reference cited was James 1:15: "Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death." 

Sadly, in related news, members of Christian Aid Ministries were among those seized by Haitian kidnappers and are being held for ransom. Because these volunteers were taken hostage more than a month ago, their story has vanished from the headlines but CAM's website is keeping track of the situation at this link. 

Meanwhile, there is some solace to be found in an earlier passage from James 1:2-3, which reads: ^"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance." 

Fashion Plates 

I hereby salute the anti-war owners of a local sedan that bares a license plate reading: PAX2YOU. Perhaps, not coincidentally, the car is a lovely shade of green. 

The Anguish of a Refugee: 300 Scenes in Three Minutes 

Save the Children, a humanitarian organization dedicated to making the world "a better place for children everywhere," has produced a stark and shattering video to dramatize the suffering of children turned into refugees and traumatized by war. Each scene in the video only lasts a second but there are 300 "one-second scenes" that play out over the course of this increasingly dark and unrelenting mini-movie. The film is short but the impact on the viewer may last forever. The video ends with the following words: "Just because it isn't happening here doesn't mean it's not happening." 

Anybody Looking for a Pen Pal? 

Last month, a rare hand-written letter arrived in my Post Office box. It was addressed to Academic Publishing (my non-profit, which dates back to the 1960s and the days of the Free Speech Movement). The letter written in pencil on lined papers and came from a Nevada resident named Larry Sturges. 

Larry wrote that when he was a teenager living in the Midwest, he had a subscription to The Berkeley Barb. (The Barb was one of the leading "underground" weeklies of that era and Academic Publishing's Berkeley Barb Project oversees a legacy collection of the weekly editions: See the Berkeley Barb Archives.) 

After all these years, Larry was writing to see if he could renew his subscription "to see what I've missed" over the years. 

I had to break the news to him: The Barb ceased publication in July 1980. 

To salute his dedication, I mailed Larry a near-mint copy of a classic Barb and he responded with a second letter, in which he shared more of his story. 

"I was young at the time and not knowing a lot. Now I'm 72 and have done time. I shouldn't be here. The judicial system sucks. I had a public defender. Should have had a private attorney. Got two more years to go before I go up in front of the parole board. Being my first time ever to be in trouble with the law." 

Larry concluded by asking if I could post his name and address on our Pen Pal list. Well, AcPub doesn't have such a list but out but let's make an exception for this dedicated reader. If you would like a pen pal who's actually IN the Pen, here's Larry's hand-written profile: "I'm white. 72 years old. Pieces. Correspond with ladies about my age only." Larry's address: HDSP 1189819, PO Box 650, 22010 Cold Creek Road, Indian Springs, Nevada 89070. 

The 25^th Amendment 

The Founders Sing