Columns

Mopping Up after the Pandemic

The window display at Mr. Mopp's toy store on MLK has changed again. This time, in addition to showcasing scores of books for young readers, the windows are also decorated with messages from young readers.

More than a dozen posters feature caricatures of face-masked authors along with their hand-written responses to the question: "Why do you wear a mask." Most are along the lines of "I wear a mask to protect my family and my friends." One reads: "I wear a mask so I won't have to wear a mask."

One young fellah named Griffin confesses: "I wear a mask so I won't get yelled at." And a movie buff named Ben has written: "I wear a mask so I won't be the character in the horror movie who thinks it's a perfect idea to go into the murder basement."

Bummed Out by Too Much Spirit?

Outside the Berkeley Bowl West, a trim, middle-aged gent is hawking the latest issue of the Street Spirit, swaying slightly as his boom-box broadcasts some nice soul music. I buy a copy of the latest issue and prepare to cross the road.

On the other side of the street, I pass of bearded gent in a trench coat and a Stetson who gazes up in my direction, points back at the street vendor and bellows: "He's a fraud! He's a phony! He's not homeless! He drove here in a car!"

Taken aback, but feeling sorry, I reach into my pocket and offer him a fist-full of quarters.

He smiles and mutters his thanks, adding: "I wish each of these quarters was a 100-dollar bill!"

Pausing for a moment's reflection, he speculates: "And, if they were, I'd buy me a car!"

Pausing for one more reflection, he concludes: "But I probably don't remember how to drive!" 

A Forest Is Set to Rise on Rose 

A sign pounded into the grass lawn on the south side of the MLK Jr. Middle School announces a major change is coming to Rose Street. The 8,000-square-foot expanse of lawn is scheduled to be removed. What's coming in its place? A playground? A parking lot for bicycles and electric skateboards? 

Nope. This will be the site for a Miyawaki Forest—an urban mini-woodland consisting of 3,000 saplings. A Miyawaki forest can grow ten times faster and thirty-time denser than a regular forest and that means these intentional woodlands can remove and store much more carbon from the CO₂ currently polluting our atmosphere. 

Unlike a typical forest that can take 100 years to mature, a Miyawaki forest can flourish in just ten years. To date, more than 40 million trees have taken root in 1,700 Miyawaki "plantariums" around the globe—with more than 100,000 trees planted in the US alone. Here's a short TED Talk that explains it all: 

Noted in Passing 

I recently noticed that the long-standing downtown Gecko Gecko Thai California Eatery on Milvia has become the newest location for The Happy Hooligans, which specializes in serving "Vegan Comfort Food." But what really caught my eye was a sign in the window that read: "Don't Eat Friends." 

The message, of course, meant "friends" like chickens, fish, cattle and pigs. That realization came too late, alas. Ever since, I've been haunted by the dark vision of a new café that specializes in serving Zombieburgers. 

Chronic Headlines 

The SF Chronicle excels at the artful antic of inserting puns in its headlines but recently, the Chron's "head masters" created a special double-header play-on-words-headline. The cover of the September 25 Sunday Datebook was both a linguistic play-on-words and an artistic display-on-words—both a verbal pun and a visual pun. 

The cover story celebrated the debut of several new circus shows in the City and the headline read: "Circus Is Ringing in New Forms." 

Not content with the reference to the "three-ring circus" of yore, the photo displayed a female acrobat swinging across the page—suspended on a metal ring. 

Karmic Strips 

The world of comic strips was rattled to its core on November 13, 1976, when a wordless panel from Garry Trudeau's Doonesbury slowly zoomed in on the upstairs bedroom window of a two-story cottage, inching ever closer, until the last panel revealed UC Berkeley law student Joanie Caucus and reporter Rick Redferm naked in bed, smiling contentedly. More than 30 of the newspapers that syndicated Doonesbury refused to print that strip. 

Today, the torch of cartoon passion has been passed to Greg Evans, creator of the Luann comic strip. Luann is populated by an ever-growing crowd of supporting players and many of whom have dark backstories. Luann's brother Brad has a positive history. Inspired by the first responders of 9/11, Brad transforms from a tubby ne'er-do-well to a husky firefighter who marries a fellow first responder named Toni Daytona. But Toni's parents were killed when she was a child and her orphaned brother Jonah is a feckless single parent doing a poor job of raising his illegitimate daughter Shannon. (This is a "comic" strip?) 

Readers of Luann have shared many private moments with Brad and Toni—first as sweethearts and later as newlyweds. In what may be a first for a newspaper comic strip, Evans has depicted Brad and Toni relaxing in bed, clearly not wearing pajamas. 

But this past week featured an unprecedented depiction of cartoon eroticism. When Stef, Glam Girl Tiffany Farrell's college roommate, gets a visit from boyfriend Kip, things get pretty steamy. 

On September 23, the two embrace, then clinch, then indulge if torrid French kissing. On September 24, they shuffle into Tiffany's shared dorm room, commandeer a bed and continue kissing. 

Tiffany tries to ignore their antics by suggesting ways to create more space in the tiny room. "There'd be more room," she says, "if we stack the beds into a bunk over here." Meanwhile, behind Tiffany's back, Stef and Kip have gone horizontal. Tiffany, still oblivious, ends the strip with the sexually charged bunk-stacking question: "Do you prefer top or bottom?" 

When the story line resumes on September 27 (after a weekend break), the first panel finds Tiffany sulking as she stands outside the locked bedroom door. A "word balloon" floating over the ldoor that appears to read: "OOOH. Here. OH!" 

On September 28, a dorm-mate named Bets walks in and asks: "Something going on?" To which Tiffany replies: "No. It's coming off." 

A third friend, Dez, announces: "Stef and Kip are reveling in Love's joy." Bets takes decisive action. Marching towards the door, she bellows: "Hey! Nip It 'N' Zip It!" 

On September 29, Stef emerges from the room, rebuttoning her blouse, while Kip emerges naked to the waist. 

On September 30, Kip is buttoning his shirt and Tiffany is having a serious privacy issue. 

Sunday's Sweetest Outdoors Concert 

Several times during my Sunday morning runs through Live Oak Park—en route to enjoy the view from Berkeley's Rose Garden—I've encountered the sound of music wafting through the redwoods. Occasionally I've trotted a bit closer to a nearby open space to divine what's going on. 

What I discovered is a lovely event where a single young woman with a single lone guitar, entertains a crowd of parents and young children with a concert of songs that include fun refrains that the children are invited to share. The musical mood is one of relaxed joyfulness, with adults occasionally standing up to swing their giggling children in circles to the rhythms of the guitar. 

I haven't lingered long enough to capture the full magic of the performance but on a recent detour around the park lawn, I did hear some lyrics. It sounded something like: 

"I have mama. I have nana. 

I have uncles. I have aunts. 

I have sisters. I have brothers. 

I have spiders in my pants." 

A Beautifully Faked Moonrise Lights Up the Internet 

A family member recently shared a 30-second video of a full moon rising and setting in the Arctic "between the territorial claims of Russia and Canada"—with a solar eclipse tossed in for good measure. Here 'tis: 

Turns out, this otherworldly image is actually an awesome exercise in video editing—not just a work of art but also a stunning work of artifice. 

Several inconsistencies raised my suspicions. The moon is too large. The moon suddenly appears to rotate. The moon is fully illuminated but the sun is behind it. The moon is a full moon, which only happens when moon and sun are on opposite sides of the Earth. 

The video has been linked to a TikTok trickster named Aleksey, the same vid-kidder who fabricated a “UFO over the moon” video that quickly went viral. Click here for a detailed critique of his visual "moonrise" stunt. 

Mom! Dad! They've Taken the Honda Hostage! 

Thanks to the Mad Men of Madison Avenue, I've come to know that "Love is what makes a Subaru and Subaru." (A slogan that raises discomfiting images of auto-eroticism.) Now the competition between two of Asia's leading automakers is heating up with Honda's new ad campaign. In it, Honda strives to co-opt the only word that can compete with "love," and that's "family." 

Honda's adverts are now instructing anyone within ear-shot that "Honda is Family. Ask anyone who owns one." 

Problem is, I don't know anyone who "owns a family." Are we talking "slave ownership" or something less onerous, like being indebted to the Mob? 

How Is a Running Track Installed? 

During my "Sunday eight" on the MLK Middle School running track, I noticed something odd. About 20 feet before the Starting Line in the middle of the north-facing lanes, there is a barely perceptible line where two pieces of track cover appear to be glued together. 

I started looking for other "assembly seams" in the carpet that I'd missed. When I failed to find any, I was mystified. 

What gives? Is the track cover installed in one, long process from a quarter-mile length of industrial-strength rubber? But if that's the case, how do the installers deal with the curvature at each end of the oval track? Is the track-mat created with two pre-fab curves already built in? 

Fortunately, YouTube was invented to answer questions like this. And the short answer is: "It's very labor-intensive." Take a look: 

Brower Youth Awards October 14 

Every year, Earth Island Institute’s New Leaders Initiative recognizes six young environmental activists from North America for exemplary work to promote ecological sustainability and environmental justice. "From climate change to water conservation to plastic pollution, this year's awardees are tackling some of the biggest environmental challenges of our time." You can click here to join in the 22^nd celebration of the Brower Youth Awards.  

There are two parts to this year's virtual program. The first event is the Brower Youth Awards Ceremony to be held on October 14, from 5-6:30 p.m. The second event will be a Meet the Winners Q&A also held from 5-6:30 p.m. on October 19. Get your tickets for these free events here. 

Thanks for Your Service? 

A few months back, Brown University's Watson Institute released a study that revealed there have been more than 30,000 veteran suicides since 2001. The hard truth is that wars continue killing long after soldiers leave the battlefield. The number of returned vets who have committed suicide (more than 7,057) is four times larger than the nuber of soldiers killed in combat. According to the Watson study, that factors out to about 17 war-related deaths per day. Like the uncounted numbers of civilians killed in Washington's global wars, the post-war loss of military veterans is largely overlooked by the Pentagon and politicians on the Hill. The nonprofit Military Families Speak Out has a prescription for this pandemic: When you say "Support our troops," that has to mean "bring them home now and take care of them when they get here." 

Here They Come and There They Go 

The satirical songsters at "The Founders Sing" are back with a new musical parody. This time, kick back and enjoy the spectacle of "Dolly Parton and the Lame Justice for J6 Protesters" singing "Here They Come Again."