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Recalibrating the Cal Recall

The County of Alameda's instruction guide for requesting and filing ballots for the September 19 Gubernatorial Recall Election scores some improvements over past pre-election documents but it also contains some head-scratchers.

Things get off to a good start with a fake demo ballot for the position of "Director of Entertainment" on page 2. The trick here is to find names of dead celebrities that everyone will recognize are not actually in the running. In the past, the names on these dummy-demo lists dated from the 1940s with names like Fred Astaire, Ethel Merman, and Louis Armstrong.

The latest list of late entertainers is a bit more recognizable—Aretha Franklin, Bruce Lee, Bea Arthur, Sidney Poitier, Selena, and Freddie Mercury.

But then the ballot guide proclaims: "Remember, you can vote for fewer Candidates than allowed" but your ballot will be tossed if you "vote for MORE Candidates than allowed." But it's arithmetically impossible to vote for "fewer than one candidate."

It's No Longer "Right On" to "Write-in"

The ballot guide's instructions grant you the option of voting for a write-in candidate. But here's where the ballot-mongers throw a curve. Instead of being able to write-in anyone you want—be it a respected Green Party activist or the ever-popular write-in favorite, "Mickey Mouse"—in this election you can only vote for write-in candidates that are "allowed." But which write-in candidates have been pre-approved and why were some of these wannabe write-in candidates excluded?

The voters guide states a list of pre-approved write-in candidate can be found online at ACVote.org. Unfortunately, this online link leads to a list of unrelated postings from prior elections, none more recent than 2016. (The second-place document in the search sports the subject title: "1318 5 Trim Trim Perf Perf Trim Perf Perf...")

As of August 13, Alameda County's most recent related posting only addresses the June 7, 2016 Presidential Primary Election. In that contest there were five certified-and-acceptable Democratic presidential write-ins and ten GOP hopefuls. While Ballortpedia is up to date regarding official candidates for the 2021 election, it doesn't provide a list of the "qualified write-ins." Reached by phone, a staffer at the county Registrar of Voters was unable to locate the list of "qualified" write-ins. I was given an email number to contact (candidates@acgov.org) but it turned out to be inactive.

Totaled Recall

Of the 55 gubernatorial recall attempts since 1911, the only one to succeed was in 2003, when 135 candidates vied to replace Gov. Gray Davis and the winner, Arnold Schwarzenegger, won with 48.6% of the votes.

With 46 candidates on the September ballot (and none matching the star power of Schwarzenegger), it's possible that a new governor could be elected with only 10% of the total votes. Hardly a majority. Hardly a mandate.

Although it would be more costly, it would be more democratic if future recalls were conducted separately. An election to chose a replacement governor would only be held if a recall was successful.  

PCH Closes In 

When it comes to "customer relations," Publishers Clearing House takes special (some might say, creepy) care to establish a "connection" with its contestant/customers. Each mailing typically includes a half dozen coupons/letters personally addressed to each participant. These mini-notes invariably contain flattering notes ("You are one of our most special people") and frequently include hand-drawn "hearts" along with scrawled signatures of PCH officials. On one occasion, a PCH mailer included a map of Berkeley including the neighborhood in which I reside. More recently, PCH included a Directions Guide that the Prize Patrol would presumably follow to deliver a mega-mass of moolah to my doorstep. The (oddly round-about) instructions read: (1) Depart in easterly direction (2) Turn left to enter Telegraph Ave, (3) Turn left to enter Bancroft Way, (4) Turn right to enter Shattuck Ave, (5) Turn left to enter Allston Way. 

With the August 31 Grand Prize date fast approaching, I'll have to alert the folks at Berkeley's Main Post Office to call me if the PCH Prize Patrol shows up in a few weeks to deliver one of those oversized checks. 

Berkeley Fire Photos 

During a visit to the Berkeley Historical Society, one of the dedicated volunteers noticed I was looking at a large black-and-white photo depicting a fire-ravaged neighborhood with nothing left standing but a few brick walls. 

"A lot of people come in and see that photo and ask if that's a photo from the fire that destroyed Paradise. I have to tell them, 'No. That photo was taken in Berkeley in 1923.'" 

Waving his hand over the fire-flattened field of devastation, he pointed a finger toward the center-right and announced: "This is the intersection of Virginia and Acton streets." 

The Rename Game 

Berkeley Gadabout Emeritus Arnie Passman checks in with some suggestions for rebranding America's sports franchises. Instead of the "Cleveland Indians," how about the Cleveland Engines? Also offered: the Detroit Riots and the St. Louis Armstrongs. 

Let the fun begin! How about the Los Angeles Draft Dodgers, the Atlanta Raves, the Atlanta Doves, the Denver Nougats, the Edmonton Spoilers, the Houston Rockhats, the Kansas City Neckerchiefs, and the Las Vegas Traitors (that's what you get for forsaking Oakland!). 

Re Name Games 

#1—A few weeks back, I was passively watching an engaging Zoom event and listening to the likes of Dan Ellsberg when the moderator suddenly announced: "And now we'll have a few words from Gar." 

I was thrown into a panic. I was on mute! I hadn't prepared any remarks! I scrambled to grab-pen-and paper and muster some talking points. 

As it turned out, the moderator was merely introducing another member of the prestigious panel—Gar Alperovitz. 

#2—Yesterday, I called Kaiser Permanente's cardiology center to schedule a treadmill test. When the friendly voice on the other end of the phone asked for my name, I replied, "Well, the last name is 'Smith,' but my full first name is an odd one. It's 'Garwood.'" 

Her response stunned me: "No problem," she said. "We've got our own Garwood." Sure enough, I checked the KP website and discovered that one of the heart docs in residence is Garwood Gee, a "long-time East Bay resident" and a Cal alumnus. 

#3—While introducing myself during a recent visit the Berkeley Historical Society, one of the staffers overheard my name and declared: "I know that name! There's a guy I met in Southern California. He works for Lockheed and his name in Gar Smith." 

I told him I already knew about this corporate doppelganger (although we've never met). Adding to the confusion, there's also a Hollywood screenwriter named Gar Smith, a television actor named Gar Smith—credits include Naked City (1958) and For the People (1965)—and a Canadian artist and comedian named Gar Smith. 

Could You Spell that Again? 

Speaking of names—and Kaiser Permanente: Last week I was on the phone to schedule an exam at KP's Oakland office. The physician on the line seemed pleasant and helpful. Until he gave me his name and I asked him to repeat it. 

With my cheap flip-phone in hand, I still couldn't make out his surname. And, so, I asked if he could spell it. There was a silence and then he said: "Eff you!" 

I was stunned. I didn't mean to give offense. What had I done? 

After a pause, I asked if he could give me his name again. This time, he added: "Two letters: FU." 

Happy ending: The next day, I met Dr. Fu while having an EKG and X-ray appointment. He turned out to be a very pleasant young fellow. 

Trump Boasts "The Greatest Memory in the World"…
Until He Has to Sit for a Legal Deposition on Camera 

For a full Mother Jones analysis on the Trump University deposition, click here. 

Bonus video: For a full Trump “hot-mic” tape with commentary, click here. 

Visual Clichés 

A new spate of computer-animated movies is being released on the world and I realized I can no longer abide the visual cliché sometimes called "Pixar Eyes"—over-sized orbs the size of salad bowls, glaring and staring at the world like ceramic baseballs. It was Luca (the latest serving from the Disney/Pixar cartoon kitchen) that finally pushed me over the edge. So it's good-bye to Nemo, Dory, Elsa, Anna, Olaf, the incredible Jack-Jack Parr and that one-eyed monster Mike Wazowski. 

Superman Smashes the Klan — Again 

Among the current titles on display in the storefront window of Mr. Mopp's toy store is a graphic comic titled "Superman Smashes the Klan." In the book (by comic-book writer and MacArthur Genius recipient Gene Luen Yang), Clark Kent's alter-ego saves a young Chinese-American boy who is "kidnapped by hooded white supremacists." 

In an interview in Inverse, Yang offers this description of the Man of Steel: "He’s basically a golem. It comes out of Jewish tradition, the golem righting wrongs and beating up corrupt politicians, always fighting for the common man. You can’t escape that.” 

It's surprising to learn that Superman's battle with the Klan first began in 1946 when the DC comics hero appeared in a 16-episode radio drama titled "Clan of the Fiery Cross." According to Inverse: "From June to July 1946, Superman exposed Ku Klux Klan codewords, rituals, and its bigotry — all based on intel collected by activist Stetson Kennedy — before a national audience. The show damaged the group’s reputation and led to a steep decline in membership from which the KKK never recovered." 

Karmic Strips 

In last Sunday's Chronicle comics, Lemont Brown—the beleaguered journalist who inhabits the fictitious municipality of Candorville—is asked about an article on "Karen-calling" that he has written for The New Yorker. Lemont's primary reporting gig has been with the local Candorville Chronicle. Curious about Lamont's career path, I checked online to see if Darren Bell, the strip's creator, had started contributing essays to the New Yorker. 

Apparently not. (Although he has had at least one of his cartoons published in The New Yorker.) 

In the course of checking, I discovered that this prize-winning editorial cartoonist has a local connection. During his days as a political science major at UC Berkeley, Bell became the editorial-artist-in-residence at The Daily Californian. Bell went on to win the 2018 Pulitzer Prize in Editorial Cartooning "for beautiful and daring editorial cartoons that took on issues affecting disenfranchised communities, calling out lies, hypocrisy and fraud in the political turmoil surrounding the Trump administration." So where's the Candorville artist actually living these days? Sacramento. 

PS: On August 5, Bell tweeted a short message: "Anyone have the sinking feeling that #January6th was a dry run?" 

The Glass v. Plastic Bottle Battle  

An item in a previous column (about glass Coke bottles and the pollution problem cause by plastic containers) prompted an informative response from phil allen who writes: 

As a former (17+ years) 'bottler' at the Pepsi plant in Emeryville (now part of the Pixar campus), I feel I'm in a position to comment on the glass v. plastic bottle controversy. The new superplant (nee '96) in Hayward filled cans and plastic bottles only. 

Yes, glass is a better recycling option. For those working with such containers however, particularly route delivery and truck loaders (me), there were two huge issues—weight and lethal danger…. 

Glass also breaks. The occasional soda big-rig tipover these days results in a lot of nuisance rolling containers…. [T]he glass shards would require a very careful clean-up…. One evening, I lost my footing on a pallet, broke some bottles, and juuust avoided being pierced through the heart.  

And phil concluded with a stunning observation about an overlooked environmental threat:  

I'd x both [glass, plastic] and have folks make it up themselves. Irony: It requires infusion of carbon dioxide, our major greenhouse gas. Oy.... 

Ye Gads! Soda pop threatens the end of the world! It's right there in the product label: "Carbonated beverage"! With each slurp of cola, another puff of GHG heads skyward!  

Phil's note included this bonus East Bay factoid: "the area out back at the E'ville plant was where Ray Carlisle of the Oakland Oaks on July 4, 1929 hit the longest measured home run: 618 feet." 

Founders Sing Is Back to Rap It Up!